as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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