We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
