Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
