i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
