Grow some girl-balls and come out already
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
