ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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