its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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