She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
