Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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