what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
