Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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