this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
