u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
