Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
