Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
