I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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