bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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