none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
