i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
