found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
