a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
