Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
