sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
