Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
