I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
