So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
