you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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