I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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