Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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