the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
