WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
