either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
