Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
