i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
