That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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