she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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