a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
