You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm at about main and main street
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
