My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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