Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
