Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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