Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
