She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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