he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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