just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
