Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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