I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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