The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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