My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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