She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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