Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
